can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize