the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
