we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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