Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
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yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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