last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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