I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
