You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
