i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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