then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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