If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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