In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
