FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize