I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
