Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
