A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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