pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
