so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
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So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I turn a man straight...??