either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.