Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.