Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.

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  (206): This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it. http://tfl.nu/dmrx
  Replies (13) Good night (2001) Bad night (642)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  we're no longer friends

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  (603): i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube (1-603): we're no longer friends http://tfl.nu/kml0
  Replies (10) Good night (955) Bad night (2811)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling

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  (612): and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling http://tfl.nu/vkmi
  Replies (12) Good night (4338) Bad night (944)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?

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  (330): This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM? http://tfl.nu/jjdh
  Replies (23) Good night (5044) Bad night (842)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7787) Bad night (1297)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"

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  (940): going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?" http://tfl.nu/r9ic
  Replies (21) Good night (3810) Bad night (1640)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

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  (520): He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep. http://tfl.nu/tjlf
  Replies (15) Good night (7177) Bad night (1232)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.

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  (505): I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight. http://tfl.nu/l9kd
  Replies (5) Good night (4152) Bad night (1003)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.

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  (641): We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard. http://tfl.nu/xmhj
  Replies (12) Good night (4419) Bad night (1162)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency

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  (217): Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency http://tfl.nu/yuks
  Replies (10) Good night (4025) Bad night (970)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.

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  (907): Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today. http://tfl.nu/sot5
  Replies (4) Good night (1657) Bad night (647)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster

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  (971): Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster http://tfl.nu/bpg2
  Replies (2) Good night (924) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.

  (1-518): View more from New York

  Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.

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  (518): Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit. (1-518): Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger. http://tfl.nu/7ysx
  Replies (3) Good night (1838) Bad night (493)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.

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  (763): There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying. http://tfl.nu/1hl2
  Replies (6) Good night (393) Bad night (835)
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  (518): View more from New York

  sex in a hospital.. check

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  (518): sex in a hospital.. check http://tfl.nu/4ctq
  Replies (1) Good night (775) Bad night (302)

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