when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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