if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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