THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
