I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
