Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
