New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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