haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just puked most of my soul out..
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
