I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
