Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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