I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
