that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
