We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
