somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
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