You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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