@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
