U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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