He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Actions speak louder than pants.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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