Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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