I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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