I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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