Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
