she was so not down for the gang bang
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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