I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
