He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
