its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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