my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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