My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
