i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
