Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
