I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
