You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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