You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
