Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
