Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
