At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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