I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Someone came in the potted fern
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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