the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
