fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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