Your face is a jimmy john
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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