dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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