I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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