Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My vagina just recognized that song.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
