somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
