So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
