I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
