i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
